I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
