is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
