After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
