you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
