Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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