i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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