Got a toothbrush?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
