Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize