Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize