I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
