I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
