absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
