i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
