I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
