I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
