She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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