the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
