It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
