I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
