I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
