I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
