you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
