That's intense
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
