she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
