i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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