Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
