Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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