What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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