The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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