when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
