Can i not drive my cunt home
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
