Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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