we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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