i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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