I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
