I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
