I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
