i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
