There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
