we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
