What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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