I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
