honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
