I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
