i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
