man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
