Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
