Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
