I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
