How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
