I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
