so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
