I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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