Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
