Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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