i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
