if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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