we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
