Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
So squirting runs in the family.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
