You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
