I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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