My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
